A Hit On The Head
by Youkari
Summary: READ THE UPDATE.
1. When Your Head is Hit

**Okay, I apologize for this fanfic, but I just wanna get this off of my chest…**

**This is what happens when you scroll through the FMA category and don't realize what the hell you're reading.**

**Enjoy…**

**I guess…**

**OH! And a few warningz. **

**Warnings: Yaoi(ish), Pedos, stuffz…**

**DON'T LIKE DON'T READ!**

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It was another boring day at Colonel Mustang's office…. Ish. If you count the fact that there was a SUPER LOUD 15-YEAR-OLD PIPSQUEAK YELLING AT THE COLONEL! Oh, wait. That's pretty much normal at Central.

Roy Mustang had officially managed to finally push Edward over the edge, and Ed was not happy.

"I AM NOT A LITTLE PIPSQUEAK!" Edward screamed at the Colonel.

"Okay, okay… Fullmetal Pipsqueak," Mustang had managed to barely dodge the slap of where his right cheek had been the millisecond before. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…." He looked over the mountains of paperwork. "I just can't see you over these stacks of papers because you're so short!" The Colonel had broken out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter…

UNTILL—

BANG .

Mustang hadn't only accomplished pissing of the Fullmetal Pips- I meant Alchemist, but he had also managed to accomplish hitting his head REALLY HARD against the SUPER HARD FLOOR.

And that's when all the fun began.

"Colonel, are you okay?" Edward jumped on the paper work, staring down at a dazed Mustang, who quickly shook the expression off of his face 2 minutes and 47.8 seconds later. "Mustang, answer me!"

"Hi there, Edward!" Mustang suddenly sat up. "What's for breakfast today?"

"Wha… wha…. WHAT?" Ed managed to spit out. "Since when was I a housewife in your office? And when the hell did you call me by my name instead of 'Fullmetal', Mustang?"

"But I'm your _boyfrieendd_!" The Colonel whined.

"WHAT DAAAA-" Edward fell backwards, then quickly sat up, practically on Roy. "What the hell do you mean _boyfriend_?"

"Uhh…." Mustang looked confused as Lt. Hawkeye entered.

"What a sight to see," Hawkeye sighed, shaking her head. "The Fullmetal Alchemist sitting on the Flame's lap…" (OMG, HE REALLY WAS ON ROY!)

Edward jumped off and quickly explained what happened to the Lieutenant. "Mustang was teasing me about my height again, which I think is NOT funny, but anyways, he started saying something about how he couldn't see me over his huge stacks of paper work, then he fell backwards and hit his head… AND NOW HE'S SPITTING OUT MUMBO JUMBO ABOUT ME BEING HIS BOYFRIEND!" He looked up at Hawkeye, hands on her shoulders. He gave her an anxious smile. "Good enough?"

The older female sighed, and then helped Mustang up. "Mustang, this is not the time to joke around. Now get back to signing your paperwork. Okay?" She gave a stern look to the Colonel. Usually, she was the only one who could scare him into continuing his work, but today was different.

"I shall not obey your orders!" the now stubborn Roy glared at Hawkeye. Hawkeye looked surprised, sighed, then muttered, "I give up."

"NOOO!" Edward shouted. "DON'T LEAVE ME HEEERRRREEEE!"

"Sorry…" Lt. Hawkeye had the sparkle in her eyes showing she was just about to laugh at these two 'lovebirds.' "I just… just don't know what I can do…" Hawkeye left the two in their office. But outside, (Which _REALLY_ insulted Ed) she burst out into a loud fit of laughter.

"Ha, ha. This situation is very funny, Hawkeye!" Edward shouted at the door. "Ugghhh…. Why the hell did Mother Nature choose me out of all people?" He sighed and sat down on the cozy couch, careful to avoid the Mustang, who was trying to get inside his personal space bubble.

"GAHH! Get off, you damn pedo!" Edward pushed Roy away and made a cozy box out of the couch cushions to shield himself from his so called 'boyfriend.'

"Naww…. Why can't I see you, Eddy?" Edward heard Mustangs muffled voice. _Aw, crap. He even gave me a crappy petname!_ His frustration took over, so he shouted, "OMG! BECAUSE YOU ARE ANNOYING THE HELL OUT OF ME, RO-MUSTANG!"

"Say my name," Ed heard the muffled voice.

"NO!" Edward said. _Crap! Why the hell was I even going to say 'Roy' in the flippin' first place, anyways?_

Edward heard a small whine. "Please!" Mustang pleaded.

"Fine, _Roy_." Edward emphasized on Roy's name to show that he would say it.

"For now on, you are to call me Roy instead of Colonel Mustang, Colonel, or Colonel Bastard." Roy commanded Fullmetal P- Alchemist, Dammit! Why the hell do I wanna say Pip—Naw, forget it.

"Fine." Ed grumbled. Besides, he didn't want to lose his job in the military. "Can you please at least not glomp or attempt to cuddle with me? Those things really freak me out."

"Okay" Roy said happily as Edward got out of the 'box' made with the cushions of the comfortable couch.

But Edward had never really noticed a flaw in what he said before he got out of the box. He forgot one simple action that had also freaked him out, and I'll bet you that Roy was going to do that simple action sooner or later…. (Don't get the wrong idea; I don't write porn)

"So… what's for lunch?" Edward asked. "I mean, from the cafeteria."

"I have no clue." Mustang replied. "I should probably get back to signing these papers, though. I don't want to have to stay back so that we miss our—"

"WE ARE NOT DATING!" Edward pouted. _My gawd, I hate freaking Pedos…._

"Okay, okay, sheesh…" Mustang said. "We'll just go out for dinner."

"That counts, too." Edward replied.

"Fine…" Mustang grumbled. "Then why don't we do something else?" He asked, his hands working fast with his trusty pen, signing the papers…. DON'T GET THE WRONG IDEA (Trolololo~)

"What about we do NOTHING?" Edward asked. "Then we wouldn't have to decide anything."

"Hmm…" Roy set his pen down and though for 1 minute and 54.9 seconds. "No, we shall do something. I wanna be with you!" He flailed his arms, but the elder Elric sighed.

"I'm gonna find Al…" He muttered. Edward walked out of the room.

"Aren't ya dating him?" Hawkeye burst out into laughter, making Ed's whole body tomato red- No, even redder than a tomato! Man, all dem tomatoes be jealous o' deh ol' high n' mighteh Edward Elric!

"N…NO!" Edward managed to blurt out. Sure, it might seem like it, but Mustang _did_ hit his head on the floor…. How the hell is a large personality change even possible because of that? "He hit his head! Just like I told you!" Ed pointed to the top of his head. "Right here! And maybe the back too, but still!"

"You're fibbing!" Hawkeye felt like she couldn't even breathe anymore. "You know…. Yo…. Two… are…. To… ge….ther…" Hawkeye passed out from the lack of breath.

"Oh my gawd, are you alright?" Edward sat up Riza's unconscious body against the wall. "Ugghhh…. She passed out… you guys are such idiots."

He got up. "Welp, I better find Alphonse!" Edward dashed down the hall, unaware of what was to come next….

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**Like it, hate it, wanna rape it?**

**Well, now I wonder what **_**would**_** happen if I put Smut in here….**

**Hee hee hee…..**

**:D**


	2. UPDATE (Not a chapter)

**I am so sorry if you really like this story, but I will be abandoning it!**

**This is going on for the following stories:**

**A Hit on the Head**

**Demons & Angels**

**The reason for A Hit on the Head:**

**I don't like writing that gross... smut. I have no clue what I was thinking. This one won't be deleted, though! I want to see what you guys can make out of it! So, if you want, write the rest of the story and send me the link. Thanks :)**

**The reason for Demons & Angels:**

**It was a stupid story I made when I first discovered Pita Ten, which was around 4 years ago. I don't like it. You can take it if you want, though.**

**I'm sorry about the inconvenience. Thank you for reading!**

**~Youkari **


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